Always?
by Swiftie013
Summary: Peeta's inner battle when being hijack, trying to fight against the dark thoughts the Capitol drills into his mind.   My fist Hunger Games Fanfic. If I get a bunch of reviews, it won't be the last!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Everyone! So, this is going to be my first Hunger Games FanFic. I hope you enjoy! It's when Peeta gets picked up by the Capitol after the 75****th**** Hunger Games.**

Chapter 1:

I could hardly remember anything that happened. I opened my eyes ever so slightly, barely making out multiple doctors in typical Capitol clothes. With their exotic hair and uniforms, they reminded me of one of my paintings. The very one I had wished to be shown to Katniss at my funeral, because I knew we could not both survive and I would rather die than l live and her die. I wanted her to remember our first view of the place that was both brought us together and ripped us apart.

The scene was of my first view of the Capitol. I had seen it multiple times on the television set in the Hob on the rare occasions it had power, but that did the scenery no justice. With my first view, it both sickened me and made me catch my breath. The buildings were tall, silver, and extravagant. They had multiple windows that glistened like a brand new bread pan. A person personality could be deciphered by a single glance. The Capitol looked both modern and unrealistic. It would have been impossible to capture the image with a photograph; too much would have been alive and distracting to the viewer's eyes, making it near incomprehenable. So I just used my memory, and went one stroke and painful memory at a time.

When my vision cleared of spots, I could see that there were stick needles in my arm. They needles did not have the slight sting of the medication used after the previous Hunger Games. These felt as painful as when Cato's sword pierced my leg. It was a sharp pain, and I let out a cry. I looked to my side, and did not see anyone but myself. This was not one of the normal Capitol rooms. I noticed a glass window. I could see Snow through it. He didn't look that great. His white beard was flecked with grey and blood. I could see him coughing into a handkerchief, in a red suit. The second I set my eyes on him, I remembered what happened to Katniss. The explosion, me calling out, no response. Then I sank to the thought with one final thought, "_She's gone_."

I thought of that and started screaming.

"Katniss!" I felt another sharp pain. Not from the needles, but the thought of me being here, and her not. "KATNISS!" I started shaking and flailing, reaching for her and then another sharp pain again in my arm, and my world sank into darkness.

All I did was protect her. She protect me, but all for her own sake and her own fame. She didn't care.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

I woke again. Snow gone from the windows, no doctors in there colorful outfits and doctor coat. I just barely moved my head, when I felt nauseous. I made myself sit up. I was in a white, drab gown. It was opened in the back, like a common hospital gown. But, it had a symbol on it. I couldn't see what it was though. The medication in my veins obviously caused both drowsiness and blurred vision.

I noticed the paper on the ground beside me. On it, it had "Scheduled for hijacking. First phase: Experimental" I didn't know what hijacking was, but it didn't sound good. When I tried to reach down to pick it up, I was hit with a sudden wave of fatigue. I felt my eyes closing before I even had time to curse at Snow.


	3. Chapter 3

When I woke for the third time, I was tied to a chair with a video on right in front of my eyes. A needle with a green liquid that brought unbearable pain to my entire body was taped into my right arm. I was in a dark room, with a mirror on the right of me. I was guessing it was one of the "one-way" mirrors I had heard of before; Dozens of doctors were probably there taking notes on how I was responding behind it.

I looked at the screen and saw the replay of one of the parts form the 74th Hunger Games. It was the time when Katniss threw the Trackerjackers nest on me and the Careers. I remembered that she did that to protect herself because she thought I had betrayed her. But then my thoughts changed. Had she really done that to try to save herself? Or was she really trying to kill me? Was her main purpose to just try to do a quick escape or just make it that much easier to win?

Then I saw Rue with Katniss in the tree, warning Katniss of the dangerous insects behind her. Was she really warning her? Or was it all part of Katniss' sick plot? I felt a surge of anger come over me. My fists clenched. I forgot my past feelings about Katniss. Now all I felt was pure hatred. Maybe I was wrong about Katniss. Maybe she wasn't on my side. Maybe she and Haymitch had been trying to eliminate me from the start. After all, he'd never sent me anything. I was the one who started the star crossed lovers act. I was the one that saved us. If it wasn't for me, one, if not both, of us would be dead.

I kept trying to argue with myself. She would never try to hurt me. She used he own medicine to help me. She risked her life for me. But each time I tried to with myself, the less optimistic about Katniss I became.

She had done nothing for me. All of this was a lie. Then, I decided it.

The next time I see her, I'm going to kill her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

After about hours of playing back films from the Hunger Games, my first session was over. I decided that Katniss may not have even been a real human. Maybe she was a muttation. Only a muttation could be so vile and destructive. How could she have done all that and not feel an ounce of guilt?

I was escorted back to my room, where the doctors were all over me again. They gave me actual clothes. A pair of long pants, that looked like the ones I wore in the Hunger Games. The pair that I was wearing when I watch Portia sink below me, while my platform raised. That was the last time I saw her.

Along with the pants was a green, cotton T-shirt. I slipped on the clothes. When I finished changing, I was moved to a cell. It was probably more formal than one of the cells for people who hunted illegally or rebelled. Katniss had done both of those things.

With the thought of her, I had an image of her. She was frail and skinny... too skinny. My mother was yelling at her to go away. I was inside the house staring. I was watching her reluctantly move on. She turned around and paused, to see if my mother had had a change of heart, looking to see if my mother would happily invite her into our home. Possibly give her a loaf of fresh crisp bread. Some bread that had just been removed from the oven. Maybe she would have treated her like her own daughter. Invited her to stay with us a while. Invite her family, too. But no. Instead my mother showed her cold heart, and gave no bread. She had no affection or mercy for this girl. But, I had. I had since I was 7. She deserved better. She had a family to take care of, while I had a family to take care of me. So, When I found the perfect piece of bread-a piece someone may have paid 10 dollars instead of 2 for, a piece that could afford to feed my family for a week- I dropped it into the shooting flames of the oven.

I quickly picked it up after it had been burned enough to not sell, but not burned enough to not be able to eat. My mother came in to see me holding the burned bread, and caught her breath. He face went white then red. He hands curled into a ball. Her nose crinkled along with her eyebrows. She started to tremble. You'd have thought I'd just burned all our money. But no, it was just a single roll.

She started to scream. "What did you do?"

I stood and stared. Then I felt the force of her hand before I could see the actual hand its self. I let out a quiet yelp of pain.

She shoved me out the door. "Go feed it to the pigs!"

She turned her back and mumbled something. While she had her back turned, I threw the loaf to Katniss. I only had time to look in her eyes and see the gratitude and disbelief.

Then I shut the door and ran up to my room. I looked in the mirror and saw a huge went on my cheek, slowly spreading to my eye. I sat on the floor replaying what I just did.

The flash back was over. I was back in my cell. It had been a rough day, and I decided to get some shut eye. I sat down on the small cot. I thought of the flash back, comparing with what I had thought of before. When I was about to make my final choice on who was the real Katniss…

…I fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

I was so tired after everything that day, my mind was too tired to dream. It was more like I just stood in an endless pool of darkness; One as dark as the Games themselves. I stood there staring at an image of Katniss. I hardly used any part of my mind. Just had an image. And it froze there. Not changing. The exact same.

I stayed in my room for what felt like hours until a tray of lamb stew and orange juice came up next to my bed. I didn't feel hungry and didn't give it a second look. I just paced around my room, taking in every square inch of white brick and plaster wall. I reviewed everything in my head of what happened yesterday. The thought just kept flowing.

I thought of home. Of even though have much I hated my mother, I would give anything to be in her arms right now. I thought of my father and of how he always had that thick mustache on his face. How he always smelled like pita bread after he'd make a fresh batch. How my brothers always came to my wrestling match. How they were always the loudest to cheer me on, even when the Guards gave them filthy looks, as if they would be whipped if they didn't shut the mouths.

I thought of Katniss of how she wore that plaid red skirt- no, I don't think about that despicable, hardly-human being anymore. She does not deserve to be thought of by anyone. That dirty, back stabbing little-

I heard a beeping noise and a small red light bulb flashing above my bed. I looked down and saw my hands were clenched. I must have started to feel to mad and the scesors in my body picked it up. Or maybe the Capitol had just decided I had too much time awake.

Guards ran in along with doctors… which was not the first time this had happened. Actually, it's gotten pretty annoying. I punched one of the guards in the nose. I was so fed up with how all of the Capitol thought they could just control anything and everything. The guard I punched fell back in shock and hit his head on my bed/cot post, falling uncoincess. The other guard came right at me and I did a leg sweep to his left leg, having him come down as had as the other guard.

The doctors had some fear in their pathetic, color contact eyes, but still approached me. A punch here, a kick there. Just when I thought I had finally won over the Capitol, I felt a prick in the inside of my arm. A wave on exhaustion and nausea came over me. I felt so weak I couldn't feel my legs. They buckled under the pressure and I collapsed into a doctors arms.

He dragged me over to my cot, which to my surprise became a gurny in a couple adjustments. The wheeled me down a drab yet modern hallway onto a silver table.

I felt the coolness hit my legs. I felt my leg give a kick as a sudden jolt of energy come over me, but it left as quicky as it came. There was another jab in my left arm and I could practically see the cool venom seeping into my vein.

It filled me with such a pain, I couldn't take it. I had never felt this much pain before, not even when Cato had stabbed my leg. This felt like he had stabbed both of my legs, twice as bad and deep as before (which I don't know is really possible.

I let one final breath of air escape, assuming that a flock of Capitol doctors would be my last view of the world.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a couple of weeks since my last treatment. The words "Phase 1: Experimental" had changed to "Phase 6: Responding well". I was being starved, abused, and tortured. I was so weak; there was nothing I could do about it.

I was being dressed by some Capitol stylists. They had me dressed in fairly normal clothes. The outfit was worn out dirty, denim plants that fell to my ankles. On the top half of my body was a cotton shirt the color of spilled blood with a yellow Capitol sign over my right breast. It looked somewhat ragged, probably trying to get a point across. They put some make-up on, but also made it look like a shadow was coming across my face.

I was told that there would be an interview. My guess is it would be with Caesar. Well, as long as it was with him, I would cooperate… maybe. I don't know what they would ask me of. Does the rest of Panem know about my treatment? Or has it been kept a secret? I'm afraid to find out.

While the stylists finish me up, with a pained look on their faces. Guards lead me to an elevator. While I'm in there, I once again consider escape. But I see that they're armed, and it's pointless to even think of it.

The doors open, and I'm led into a small room. Actually, it's fairly large. Just smaller than the other interview rooms I've been in. I see Caesar Flickerman on a modern chair, that doesn't look all that comfortable. He's eating a donut. It appears to be filled with jelly. It also appears it wasn't his first, judging by the fact that he has a stain on his blue tie and stylists were using some sort of serum and miniature vacuum to get it off. Within a second the stain was gone.

Camera men, lighting, and sound people were all crowded into the same room as us. Adjusting here and there. Some stylists were waiting. Armed with stain remover, hair spray, hair gel, and other fashionable things, they looked better armed than the Peacekeepers in the corner eating some glazed donuts. Wow, these people like donuts.

I was lead to a seat next to Caesar; the only thing between us was a cold, metal table with a rose on it that did not fit in with the rest of the surroundings. Just as I was about to sit down, he walked in.

Snow in a dark red suit with a white rose in a pocket. His white beard looked like it hadn't been trimmed in a long time. He looked weary and old. Like ha might collapse any second. But that did not make me feel any pity. I tensed up and had to restrain myself from killing him then and there. He looked over at me for a second, gave a laugh, and turned back to his high seat.

The director told me to sit down and I was told that there were 30 seconds until the interview began. I stared at Snow with a look of disgust, hoping he would look up and see me. So I could give him a piece of my mind.

"5, 4, 3, 2,-"he held up his pointer finger, then pointed it toward our direction.

The show was about to begin.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! I was just wondering if you guys could pump up the reviews a little more? I really want to try to do a good job on this, and I need you guys to tell me what you think I can do to make it better! Whether its grammar, facts, personal opinions, or whatever! Love ya! ~Jess**

"Welcome, citizens of lovely Panem! I am Caesar Flickerman, am on my right we have the lovely Peeta Mellark, co-winner of the 74th Hunger Games! How are you today Peeta?"

"I'm fine, how are you, Caesar?" I replied.

"Such a polite boy. I'm great. So tell us about your time in the 75th Hunger Games?"

I hesitated. The wrong answer could hurt me and my family. But, Panem should know the truth. "Well, it wasn't much different than the one before. Survival of the fittest, alliances, that sort of stuff."

"Ah, I see. So, who would you say was the fittest to win in this sort of situation?"

I thought through the possible answers. Johanna, Finnick, Katniss…

"I'd have to say that each person had their own strengths and weaknesses."

"Come now. You won't be upsetting anyone."

"Katniss."

Whoa, where did that come from? She's not a person I care about. She's a monster. I've been over this a thousand times already.

"Ah, the star-crossed lovers. I'm sure that I was not the only one who thought that would be your answer." He gave a hearty laugh that came from deep in his diaphragm.

"So," he continued. "Do you have anything you want to say to Katniss?"

A million thoughts raced through my head. I thought I was I going to explode. I had a crazed feeling running through me; like I had had too much caffeine.

"You…in thirteen…dead by morning!" I said. Caesar was for once speechless, looking beyond the camera for help.

"End it!" Snow yelled.

The camera wouldn't turn off right away. The camera man looked started, and as a last resort, just tilted the camera to the ground.

The Guards tried to shut me up by hitting me with a club it the back of the head. I fell to the ground in pain with an agonizing scream. My world was spinning. I couldn't think of anything.

I felt my head slam to the ground with a loud "_thud"_. I saw my blood splatter on the tiled floor. In a distance I heard the scream of a teenage girl. The scream sounded all too familiar. It took me a minute to figure out who it was as my eyes shut.

Katniss.


End file.
